“The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”
– Thomas Jefferson
As you might imagine, I get a lot of hate mail. Jesus Fucking Christ even took the time to tell me himself.
Your site is horrible, and My Dad and I will damn you to Hell because of it.
Peace be with you.
- Caucasian Jesus
Now, I usually try not to link to any Jesus loving sites. But I figured I’d make an exception here since I now have confirmation that I’m going to Hell.
Personally, I think Jesus should feel pretty lucky that I am not only posting his vile email, but also linking to his fucking site. If all those disciples were right, then forgiveness is undoubtedly in my future.
What’s really odd is that I didn’t even have to pray to get Him to talk to me. I mean, some people spend their whole lives on their knees, hoping to be touched by his noodly appendage. Or was it ‘his word’?
I don’t remember. Who cares?
The point is, I’m well on my way to feeling his love, and there’s nothing any of you fucking church-goers can do about it.
Actually, this one goes for anyone who thinks themselves a part of an Abrahamic religion, or any monotheistic philosophy for that matter.
Question #3:
How do you know that Santa Clause doesn’t exist?
Apparently those three words make you, not only “foul-mouthed”, but also a “bigot”. They also define how you should be remembered for the rest of your life. That is, unless you repent.
Duly noted.
Good thing Bill Donohue has never said anything even remotely as vulgar and bigoted as that, lest he not be free to throw all the stones he wants. 
“Suck it, Bill”
- Kathy Griffin, some time in the near future
Maybe someone needs to inform William that irreverence (or even hypocrisy) is not what makes someone a bigot.
…but you can get thrown in jail or fined, you filthy Atheists! So watch out!
PART IV. CRIMES, PUNISHMENTS AND PROCEEDINGS IN CRIMINAL CASES
TITLE I. CRIMES AND PUNISHMENTS
CHAPTER 272. CRIMES AGAINST CHASTITY, MORALITY, DECENCY AND GOOD ORDER
Chapter 272: Section 36. Blasphemy
Section 36. Whoever willfully blasphemes the holy name of God by denying, cursing or contumeliously reproaching God, his creation, government or final judging of the world, or by cursing or contumeliously reproaching Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, or by cursing or contumeliously reproaching or exposing to contempt and ridicule, the holy word of God contained in the holy scriptures shall be punished by imprisonment in jail for not more than one year or by a fine of not more than three hundred dollars, and may also be bound to good behavior.
This is not to say that Massachusetts is alone in having arcane and unenforceable laws on the books, they are just first on my list. Perhaps I’ll turn this into a series that highlights these kinds of laws, which appear in more than just those famous states where you can’t hold office without pledging your allegiance to the appropriate god.
Indeed, you can’t get stoned in Massachusetts, but what about everywhere else? We’ll see. 
“The doctrine of the movements of the earth and the fixity of the sun is condemned on the ground that the Scriptures speak in many places of the sun moving and the earth standing still… I think that in the discussion of natural problems we ought to begin not with the Scriptures, but with experiments and demonstrations.”
- Galileo Galilei
In 2006, the American movie industry used the date of 6-6-06 to shamelessly promote a movie called, The Omen - a remake of a 1970’s film by the same name. The date, however arbitrarily determined by the gregorian (or solar) calendar, was given significance because its corresponding numbers are the so-called mark of the beast, 666. Of course they ignored the fact that the devil’s number has been devalued to 616.
Anyway, now it’s 2007. And it’s time for some more Armageddon fun with the calendar. As you may or may not have noticed, it’s July, which can only mean one thing. It is the 7th month. And July has a 7th day, on which the date will be 7-7-07. Jesus is Coming!
Please pray on 777 (Saturday July 7 2007) with millions for what will become the World’s Greatest Christian Prayer Day! Let’s help everyone focus on the Light of the world and his return. Expect the Spirit of God to be powerful on 777 because of faith and unity never before witnessed.
Surely, two Armageddon-esque dates so relatively close on the never-ending calendar are a sign of the apocalypse, the end of days, end times, the second coming, salvation, rapture. Fear!! or Pray!! Because the national day of prayer does not provide enough unity to be witnessed.
We beleive (sic) that the Almighty has planned and prepared this day, 777 from the beginning to continue his end time scenes.
Of course, the 777 that occurs in the 21st century is the one he has planned and prepared, not the one in the first century (as a literal reading of god’s word might lead you to believe), or the one in the 8th century .
But a christian page encouraging prayer would not be complete without an innocuous passive-aggressive chapter-and-verse threat…
Faithless people may start getting a little nervous about 777. This is why and in the Lord’s own words
40. Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left. 41. Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left.
42. Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come.
but don’t let the comedy dissuade you. They eventually get around to what “The Manchild Team” really believes:
Yes there is a tribulation coming, but more importantly, is the fact that there is going to be a deliverance from the tribulation. Most protestant religions call this a rapture. The ManChild Team would like to fly to heaven but we think that this is more of an escape from what’s coming kind of rapture. The Ark that the small few chosen escaped in during the first world judgment and punishment for the wicked is a message and example of how we shall be given safety. The Israelites made a little Ark called the “Ark of the Testimony” which had great Godly powers like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. This symbolized Noah and more importantly the Ark we are all getting in or going to. We believe it may be in a mountain valley of some sort in Canada or the hollowed out of a mountain. When all the fireworks or tribulation is over we come out and start a new world. This time we will be led into the Ark by Christ and led out to prosper the new world as it will be called for approximately a thousand years. This will be a world that is not based on sports heroes, celebrities, politicians or the greed of money. It will be based on righteousness and only righteous honest decent people will be honored. Tell cold heartless American TV, Bye.
I love how he cites Raiders of the Lost Ark, then says to “tell cold heartless American TV, Bye,” as if the movie industry creates any less idolatry. Love it!!
I’m preparing for the lord, as we speak. You think some wine is in order? A nice Chianti with some pasta? Nah, he’ll probably just need some water.
It’s about time! Finally, someone has offered to help the seriously afflicted, like Jackie Chan, and Margaret Cho, and maybe part of Soledad O’Brien (who knows? I mean, really).
Thankya Jeeesus!
“Curing” Ted Haggard in three weeks, instead of the usual 4.5 years, has emboldened Christians, and they now have the balls to think they can counsel the genetics right out of you. I can’t wait to see the first success story!
Actually, to be honest, the billboard above was probably changed to illustrate the fact that homosexuals don’t choose to be gay any more than Asians choose to be Asian. Both people who read this blog are already aware of that fact, so I’ll refrain from pulling out the multiple sources that show it’s a natural ‘phenomenon’. That’s a moot point anyway.
What really needs to be done is to get people to stop thinking solely in terms of sexual activity when it comes to homosexuality, as if that’s all that matters in a homosexual relationship. A lot of people, especially those that have a problem with it, think of it as a kind of hedonistic orgy of rebellion and sexual hegemony, but never bother to consider any other kinds of attraction that two people can have between each other. Their problem with homosexuality isn’t that two people are emotionally, psychologically, and physically attracted to or in love with each other. Their problem is that they act on it, like any heterosexual couple would, by having sex.
In other words, it’s okay for two men (or women) to love each other, as long as they don’t have sex (or get “married” in the eyes of the state). Sure they’ll find a euphemism for their motive, like “traditional family values”, but to those that have a problem with it, it’s all about the sex. And as long as that is allowed to continue, homosexuality will be brushed off, subjugated, and easily classified as less genuine than heterosexual relationships. And people like those in the Truth Ministry will continue to think it’s something to be cured.
“The United States of America have exhibited, perhaps, the first example of governments erected on the simple principles of nature; and if men are now sufficiently enlightened to disabuse themselves of artifice, imposture, hypocrisy, and superstition, they will consider this event as an era in their history. Although the detail of the formation of the American governments is at present little known or regarded either in Europe or in America, it may hereafter become an object of curiosity. It will never be pretended that any persons employed in that service had interviews with the gods, or were in any degree under the influence of Heaven, more than those at work upon ships or houses, or laboring in merchandise or agriculture; it will forever be acknowledged that these governments were contrived merely by the use of reason and the senses.”
- John Adams, A Defence of the Constitutions of Government of the United States of America
Question #2:
Who was Cain afraid would kill him when your god put him out of the Garden for killing Abel? I mean, the entire population of the planet consisted of his mom, dad, brother and himself at the time.
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