“The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”
– Thomas Jefferson
As you might imagine, I get a lot of hate mail. Jesus Fucking Christ even took the time to tell me himself.
Your site is horrible, and My Dad and I will damn you to Hell because of it.
Peace be with you.
- Caucasian Jesus
Now, I usually try not to link to any Jesus loving sites. But I figured I’d make an exception here since I now have confirmation that I’m going to Hell.
Personally, I think Jesus should feel pretty lucky that I am not only posting his vile email, but also linking to his fucking site. If all those disciples were right, then forgiveness is undoubtedly in my future.
What’s really odd is that I didn’t even have to pray to get Him to talk to me. I mean, some people spend their whole lives on their knees, hoping to be touched by his noodly appendage. Or was it ‘his word’?
I don’t remember. Who cares?
The point is, I’m well on my way to feeling his love, and there’s nothing any of you fucking church-goers can do about it.
Apparently those three words make you, not only “foul-mouthed”, but also a “bigot”. They also define how you should be remembered for the rest of your life. That is, unless you repent.
Duly noted.
Good thing Bill Donohue has never said anything even remotely as vulgar and bigoted as that, lest he not be free to throw all the stones he wants. 
“Suck it, Bill”
- Kathy Griffin, some time in the near future
Maybe someone needs to inform William that irreverence (or even hypocrisy) is not what makes someone a bigot.
…but you can get thrown in jail or fined, you filthy Atheists! So watch out!
PART IV. CRIMES, PUNISHMENTS AND PROCEEDINGS IN CRIMINAL CASES
TITLE I. CRIMES AND PUNISHMENTS
CHAPTER 272. CRIMES AGAINST CHASTITY, MORALITY, DECENCY AND GOOD ORDER
Chapter 272: Section 36. Blasphemy
Section 36. Whoever willfully blasphemes the holy name of God by denying, cursing or contumeliously reproaching God, his creation, government or final judging of the world, or by cursing or contumeliously reproaching Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, or by cursing or contumeliously reproaching or exposing to contempt and ridicule, the holy word of God contained in the holy scriptures shall be punished by imprisonment in jail for not more than one year or by a fine of not more than three hundred dollars, and may also be bound to good behavior.
This is not to say that Massachusetts is alone in having arcane and unenforceable laws on the books, they are just first on my list. Perhaps I’ll turn this into a series that highlights these kinds of laws, which appear in more than just those famous states where you can’t hold office without pledging your allegiance to the appropriate god.
Indeed, you can’t get stoned in Massachusetts, but what about everywhere else? We’ll see. 
Maybe we aren’t all that different…
But who am I kidding? This kind of harmony and similarity between species is so beautiful that the only possible explanation is that it was designed by someone or something far superior to ourselves.
I mean, just look at it. Could you design that? I don’t think so.
“The United States of America have exhibited, perhaps, the first example of governments erected on the simple principles of nature; and if men are now sufficiently enlightened to disabuse themselves of artifice, imposture, hypocrisy, and superstition, they will consider this event as an era in their history. Although the detail of the formation of the American governments is at present little known or regarded either in Europe or in America, it may hereafter become an object of curiosity. It will never be pretended that any persons employed in that service had interviews with the gods, or were in any degree under the influence of Heaven, more than those at work upon ships or houses, or laboring in merchandise or agriculture; it will forever be acknowledged that these governments were contrived merely by the use of reason and the senses.”
- John Adams, A Defence of the Constitutions of Government of the United States of America
I’m not much for tests, and quizzes, and other internet meme. But I saw Dante’s Inferno Test at Mike’s Weekly Skeptic Rant, and I just couldn’t resist.
Apparently, my lack of remorse for doing the things I want to do is earning me a ticket to the second level of hell. Who knew? 
Or perhaps it was that weekend at the zoo, hhmmmm.
The wretched King Minos has decided your fate. His tale wraps around his body 2 times.
The sweet light no longer strikes against your eyes. Your shade has been banished to… the Second Level of Hell!
The Dante’s Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Extreme |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Moderate |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Moderate |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | High |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Very High |
| Level 7 (Violent) | High |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | High |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | High |
Take the Dante’s Inferno Hell Test
Ever since Ray Comfort of Kirk Cameron so eloquently argued for the seemingly perfect design of the banana, Atheists have been running around like mad trying to explain away the purported divine inspiration. Ray and Kirk dubbed the banana “The Atheist’s Nightmare”, and indeed it seems they were right.
Atheists scrambled for a response, like neo-cons looking for a war, and offered crazy claims about humans cultivating the banana over thousands of years. As if that wasn’t, itself, part of God’s plans. pssshh. Crazy Atheists!
Still they pressed on, and the banana continued to haunt them as they attacked the intelligence of Mr. Comfort and Sir Cameron. They even likened them to the primates that feast on the banana. Ah, the last gasp of the dying argument, ad hominem attacks.
The Atheists were stuck. They were cornered, with nowhere to turn…
until one evil Atheist grocer found a way.
Atheists respond, ironically, with one of their oldest and most basic tactics - denying the banana ever existed:
Hark! Those clever bastards! They had nearly been snuffed out by their nightmares of bananas, but it seems they live to fight another day.
You win this round Atheists… you win this round. 
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